So I started off reading the “community book project” The Warmth of Other Suns with little hope for anything good.  Another book highlighting the hardships felt from the Jim Crow south, etc…

It ended up being something more than I expected.  The beginning all seemed like a huge buildup, but it grabbed me right at the end.

And in some ways, it ended up reminding me about my grandmother.  About how much I cared about her, how much she really meant to me.  And how much I wish I could see her one more time, to tell her how much I love her and the gratitude I have for her.  She truly was a grandmother that cared for me no matter what, and she helped my mother through a lot of her own hardships.  I miss her, but something of her is still around, and she continues to live on through me; I will always carry her values with me somewhere.

It didn’t help coldplay decided to come on as well, so I guess you could say this has become a very reflective evening.  I find it amazing looking back, it has been over two years since high school and the journey began at Davis.  And it is sometimes necessary to look back to those times to see just how things have changed.  How the world has become something you might have never expected, and that the transition to college was one that you could never truly fully prepare for.

It makes me so happy to see people excited to graduate!  I know I was so excited when that time came around.  The world is at your fingertips, literally!  Keep it that way, and no matter how life may seem to “bog down” that ability, remember it never disappears.  At the same time, never lose sight of who you truly are, or want to become.  It is easy to forget that person through the rest of the journey, but keep it in the back of your mind.

I know that a lot has gone on for me; cognitive restructuring in some ways as my EXB102 professor might have put it.  But it is all worth it, I am beginning to see just how large and expansive this life can be, and just what kind of experience and touch I can leave on it.  That happiness will always come with and from sadness, and that sometimes friendship and opportunities come from where you least expect it.

I know to some I can seem cold.  That I seem to be wrapped in reason in logic, seemingly inattentive to someone’s emotional needs.  But if you really stop to look, and try to get to know me, you would be surprised.  I can be a very understanding, caring person.  And if a friendship is something that you are looking for, I will always honor that friendship.  And to me, it is something that is everlasting, and does not may attention to temporal elements.  If you are having problems at midnight and there is no one else to talk to, I will always be there (and there is also a good chance I might still be up at that time anyways :P). 

Yes, this has been a reflective evening…and sometimes I forget THIS can truly be what it means to be a college student, to discover these things and reflect on what they actually mean.

If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me :)

And I am SO ready for this Physics test.  On top of that, most of my work is completed (yay!) and that is good because I don’t know how much of it will actually get DONE this weekend :D.

On top of that, I kind of got caught again in the web that is drum corp.  I blame Willy though (damnit you just had to facebook chat me ><) and then I started watching videos, led to the thought “why am I NOT doing it this year?!?!  Like seriously.  I have like 2 more years left, and instead I want to go to work?  This stuff can only happen for two more years TOTAL in my life.  Eh…there are other reasons though.  Of course nothing in life is that simple…usually.

Beside the point.  It is getting very late, and while I would love to continue contemplating this, it USUALLY means my mind is ready to shut off for the evening.  Many other things to talk about, but for another post haha.  Goodnight world!

At the end of an evening, having so much to tell someone, yet you can’t tell them for one reason or another.  I mean seriously.  lol ><

So it’s what….like week 7 now.

Classes=fine.  LOVING PHY9D so far.  Is it hard?  In some ways yes, but the material is sort of mind blowing.

Also, I haven’t said it enough, after signing up for classes next quarter I literally have 6 hours straight of class in the SAME lecture hall.  How the heck does that happen?  About as rare as the fact that I have NO FRIDAY CLASSES :D

Things are clearing up both physically and mentally.  Getting back into a routine, band is fun as always, and get to see Dave Koz on Friday (well…I get to USHER.  I gave my ticket to my grandfather.  I figured it might make his night :)  )  I have begun to reflect on this very point of stability internally, and about decisions I as well as others have made.  This word has seemed to ring in my ears loudly, Stability.

Regardless there is super fun midterm friday, and I must study at least a BIT for it. I am glad things are starting to mello out (see what i did there, mello :P) and I can’t wait to hear back from the DoD about the SMART scholarship (like seriously, any day now :P)

PS - Watch the movie “The Secret”.  I enjoyed it, you will too :D

School seems to be going exceptional…so far.  Everything falling into the correct place.  SLOWLY but surely things are beginning to develop.

Of course, I think even more at hand is the growth I have been going through.  Discovering things like who I am and who I want to be; overall I am learning more about myself.  However after tonight a lot of things I thought are changing.  What do you expect, it’s college, and sometimes college downright sucks.  

There always seems to be something special about it though.  I think if I keep going, keep learning, there will always be something good in store.  If I keep that attitude up, I know something will come my way, I can feel it :D

As for now, sleep and a new week await me.  I can only imagine what will make THIS week unique haha

So FINALLY I get (some) of a weekend to actually relax and just chill before another hard week ahead.  I do get to play some gigs though which is a nice way to break up the studying today.

Besides that though, I was looking on Facebook at all of the stuff people are doing.  Man, it makes me look like I do absolutely nothing :P.  Then I made the mistake of going to the Blue Devils facebook page.  Which inherently led to the website, watching videos/listening to music.  GAH….makes me miss it a lot!  I know that regardless I will not be doing it this summer (other things are planned after all) but seeing some of my friends in A-corp makes me proud of them, and as always I am proud to even be remotely considered a part of that family.

Sometimes one must remind oneself you can’t do it all…sometimes you just have to be content with what you ARE doing and LOVE what you are doing.  I guess in a way that’s what I am doing now.

Anyways, nap time before the next gig :)

Well, picnic day is over.  Maybe my life can gain back some normalcy now that I can focus more on school/work.  

But of course, nature didn’t want it to be that easy.  The minute I donate blood, all of the pollen acts up.  To make it worse I don’t get much sleep, and then my sinuses just go CRAZY.  Then to top it off Picnic Day was relatively hot and humid.  Add it all up and about 3/4 of the way through battle I had to leave.  My sinuses were on FIRE and that was the only way to get rid of it.  

Thankfully one of my friends came to the rescue and saved the evening.  Yes I didn’t get to go party, but I think I still had an amazing evening with an amazing person.

Now, back to work.  Unlike many I worked all through picnic day, but then again what did you expect from an engineer :P.  I am hoping to finish early and maybe relax a bit today (which would be really nice).

Picnic day 2012 is finally put in is place…

Hunh, I guess time really does fly when school comes back into session :D

So far classes are going swimmingly.  I am not going to lie though, realizing that coming home at 6PM is your “early day” is kind of different, but I am willing to power through the work to reap the rewards.

I also feel like things are beginning to settle like fine sand in the water.  I can say without a doubt I have a group of people I am comfortable with.  Are they the people I expected a month or so ago?  Not in the least bit.  Then again I also thought a lot of other things would be possible back then that I have realized can NEVER happen for some very blatant reasons (if you REALLY want to talk about it then maybe ask :P).  Alas, it is becoming but a distant memory in my mind.

And yes, Picnic Day Season does make it a bit better. But in some ways I find this season to be very detrimental.  Not only academically but physically.  Yes there is a lot of fun associated with it, but I think it is really easy for people to get carried away.

Eh, not my problem really.  Need some sleep before tomorrow.  More advising to do for all those young-in’s we call incoming freshman.  I remember when I was in that boat; I hope I can be a peer/person that even I could have looked up to at that point.

Goodnight :)

Well, the week is almost up.  Tomorrow is mainly a shopping day; need some food and a haircut, plus pick up my bike from the shop.  My aunt is also coming over for dinner, so that will be super fun.  Then it’s back up to Davis for one final round for the school year.

And, OF COURSE, I finally get word about a position as a learning assistant in a Physics D/L that I should have gotten months ago.  Throws a wrench into my schedule, but I can work around it all eventually.  Will just take some time.

Overall, besides today which has been pretty logistical, the rest of break has been a good time.  Yes, slept in some days, and played some games.  Chilled with my parents and grandparents (important, never know how long they will be here), and got to see some friends.

To make it even better, I got to go hiking, and even mini-golfing.  Yes, be jealous.  It was fun, and I got to know someone really well in the process.  In fact, we have had a lot of long nights just talking, and quite honestly we have gotten to know each other really well.  Its nice to find people out there to connect with and share your story :)

Alas, it is back to the old grind.  While Picnic Day looms in the distance, I have bigger things on my mind.  I still haven’t heard anything back about working for the DoD, and that will decide the fate of my summer (will I be an Orientation Leader?  You will just have to stick around to find out O_o).  

OH, and remember.  Sometimes you learn the most about yourself when you do the least, and it can be something as simple as just sitting in a chair.  You would be suprised with what you might find, but in the end it will only help.

But I babble.  It’s late, and I wanted to write something down.  In all honestly this is mainly so I remember what has been going on, not for “all you” (whopping like 4 people haha) to know what I am doing.

Sleep well world, I will see you again in Davis :)